Queens, NY (ZBN) – With Thanksgiving in the US only a few days away some are not feeling the holiday cheer. Queen’s resident nuclear testing disaster, and part-time bartender, George The Monster is suing the city once again. The lawsuit claims that the 9,000 pound gorilla became violently ill after last Thursday’s rampage. And the aging monster blames a spoiled turkey he ate outside of the apartment on the 72nd floor of the Midway Building.
The building manager is Wilson Boonsoft and he blasted George on the acquisition. “There’s no way that turkey came from this building. The only turkeys are the ones who believe George is not just wanting attention. Stupid drunk monkey. He pulls this every Thanksgiving.” Eyewitnesses saw the big furry gorilla seem dizzy and confused before vomiting 8,000 gallons of green goo onto the streets below. This stomach discharge could put a damper in George’s pending lawsuit.
Johnnie Cochran, the longtime celebrity lawyer will be handling George’s claim stating that “The proof will be in the fecal matter. When we get that shit back from the lab, George will be rolling in it! Party up in here!”
The tests are expected to take 8 months to get back from the lab since George is considered an African-American animal and caucasian animals have priority on forensic lab testing.
— Johnny Joystick, ZeBunker News