Donut Land, MK (ZBN) – The former plumber turned gynecologist is facing some nasty parasites these days. Lawyers from every state and country of the world are attempting to revoke Dr. Mario’s license to practice medicine. A tribunal on the matter is set to hear the case in the Mushroom Kingdom Court of Appeals in January.

The trouble started for Mario when one of his patients discovered the doctorate degree hanging in his office was actually just an istockphoto image he printed himself from his ink jet printer. Mario did not even write in his own name. It said simply “Your Name Here”. A sub-committee found that Mario did in fact know of the fake document but refused to pay the $15/ month to use Photoshop CC for 5 minutes of work to change the title. The false degree sparked media outrage.

Questions of the legitimacy of Mario’s prior attempts to save the world from Bowser are well placed as well as stealing of the original Tetris game code. Many theories on the Internet are suggesting that Mario worked with Bowser in kidnapping the Mushroom Kingdom and its various royal leaders for profit for nearly 30 years. The evidence is mounting and Mario still refuses to release his full tax returns.

If convicted of these crimes Mario could be facing up to 9 million years in jail and be forced to repay all the customers who bought his games over, and over, and over again, on any new Nintendo system that came out.

A plea bargain proposed by a fan group calling themselves Fucking Get With It Nintendo (FGWIN) could be arranged if Mario would agree to finally star in a game with full-voice over and live orchestral music. In response Mario simply stated “I’ve got the time, let’s do the time.”

— Trevor Trackball, ZeBunker News