Ah, yay pun filled matey. Avast ‘ye ready for a toy review of a captain guy with a hook instead of a hand. Then sit yer deck hands down and read up. Umm, reviewer dude. It’s a cheap a Dollar Tree toy. Settle down. Let’s take a look.


What better way to encourage compassion, friendship and love than having your kid play with a Captain Hook toy. Captain Hook if you did not know is one of the most vile and brutal people that ever lived. He’s killed, raped and laid waste to countless civilizations in his quest for greed and glory! We hear Trump is a fan.

Mom! The nerd reviewer troll is scaring me with facts. I want to watch The Mighty B, mom! Mom! – Before you call child services, it’s just a fictional character. No harm has come from believing in fictional characters right? (Jesus was here)…. Captain Hook if you did not know is from the Disney hijacked series Peter Pan, even though it’s really a public domain book. Pirates I tell ya. Disney be dirty pirates!


This little figure is about 2.5” tall, or 3”. I’m not getting a ruler out for this. He’s made out of light-weight and flexible plastic, not the strong stuff you get in action figures. It has a nice stance to it and some nice details, there is some paint, even if it’s kind of spotty. It’s a cool little collectible for budget stocking stuffer gifts. The toy has no articulation so don’t get in a hissy-fit about it nerds, its ok.

There are a few different ones to collect and it’s a good deal for the price we’d say. The quality control is a bit spotty, so you may have to plug through the pegs at your local Dollar Tree to find the good ones. Get them fast before some dumb kid bites off the sword and chokes on it and an uppity mom sues and the line is pulled.


Best Feature

The little cheap figure has a nice pose about him but that hat! That hat freaking should get an award. Captain Hook would definitely not get kicked off What Not To Wear with that thing!

Worst Feature

Captain Hook is one of the most vengeful and ruthless villains in all of Disney. The amount of people he’s killed at the hand of his hook and sword could number in the millions. So, why is something so important to him regulated to a wimpy half falling over thing? Somebody get ‘Hook a little blue pill stat!

On the back of the figure we see the sword condom is also bent over. Is this on purpose or just from poor quality? Captain Hook uses a sharp stabbing kind of sword and the way it bends makes it look like a slashing Mesopotamian era sword. Wait! That’s even more brutal. What are you doing Disney!

Fun Factor

Lots to collect and cheap, so you can build a collection fast. Now get your hoarding on consumer with disposable income!


It only cost $1 and is a fair bit better than what you would get in say a novelty quarter machine or something you could win at a smelly arcade, so it’s a good deal. It’s made in China, so the toll on your soul might be hard to deal with. We understand.

Vs. Chuck Norris?

If Chuck could get close enough he could exploit that handless arm of Hooks and take him down. Chuck is fast and ‘Hooks sword is for frontal stabbing. The match would be over before it ever began. Now would Peter Pan be able to defeat the master Chuck Norris….


-Cheaper than a .50 cent whore.

-Guilt free impulse buy.

-Many different ones to collect.


-Does not move.

-Quality control between each figure.

– Sword droops like a testosterone-less middle aged man light industrial factory assembly mid-level manager.

Final Grade – B